(Series) Chapter 9: Why does she love me

‘Don’t cry baby.’ I kept repeating it. I was trying to figure out, the reason for her breakdown. She said she missed her parents, when she went back to her hometown. Then why did she come back so early. The scheduled return flight was for after the New Year’s. Many questions lingered in my head as I held her in my arms. I could feel the warmth of her tears on my chest as she pressed her face in me. I felt like she was trying to read my heart beat.


After an hour or so, tears had finally dried off. I looked at her weary face. Though I did not know the cause of her misery was, yet I wanted to take all the pain away. Countless Hindi songs’ lyrics crept into my head, where the singers ask for all the pain of his love to become his. I asked again, what happened. She slowly lifted her head, and began to stare at my face. I figured she was trying to find words to express. She started taking heavy breaths as she sobbed some more. Finally she revealed, ‘my parents want me to get married, and they have already chosen a guy for me,’ and dug her face back in my chest.
There was a silence in the room. We could hear wind coming in from the windows properly. Suddenly, I started to feel the greenhouse effect. In the month of December, there was sweat running from my forehead. Pooja stammered as she revealed the way she left the house in wee hours of the morning to catch a flight to be with me. She had switched off her cell phone because she had been fighting with her parents all night. According to them, she is at the right age to get married, and the guy they have chosen is a great catch. As I listened to her, I had feelings of jealously for the shmuck her parents had selected. The looming questions which was going to be asked next quickly shadowed my feeling of jealousy.
She looked at me with hopeful eyes. She did not speak a word, but her stare asked me thousands of questions. I was to be the one to get her out of this predicament? Somehow, I was the wiki-how to all her questions. The need to be her knight and shining armor was slowly slipping away. Speak-up you asshole; I said to myself. With my mouth open and jaw hanging, I needed to say something to comfort her. My speechlessness clearly showed her my timid character. I was beginning to loath myself. Here I was confirming myself few hours ago that this girl is the one for me, yet now when push comes to shove, I was a coward. I did not deserve such a lovely soul. 
‘Everything will be all right,’ what the hell was I saying; she did not want to hear that. She wanted a solution for the biggest problem in her life from the person who was the cause of her troubles. She stood up in reluctance, her body moved forward as her heart remained in the same position. She went into the loo and closed the door. I think she understood my worthlessness. I did not see any disgust when she walked away, yet I felt like a scoundrel. I was the scoundrel who steals the heart of good people, without the intentions of loving them or being there for them.
The next day, she went back to her apartment. Sitting in my empty room, I replayed the events of yesterday repeatedly. I decided the only way to improve the current situation is to do something special. I called her cell phone, but she did not pick up any of my calls all day. When I texted her, she replied, she was busy. I figured, she did not want to see me, or maybe she could really be busy. Trying to remain positive, I decorated my apartment and decided to cook something. I started to watch a video on how to cook pasta, but gave up two minutes in, and bought it from a restaurant instead. She called later in the evening, and I invited her to my place. She did not have her cheerful ring to her voice, but I thought my surprise would get that back.
‘I am moving to U.S.A. I have accepted a job offer and will be going in January.’ In a hush tone she had just given me a deadly blow.




‘What does she see in me?’ this was question that plagued my mind while she was in the loo. As I sat in the couch, I was nothing but a big cold rock, a heartless piece of stone, which was of no use. I wasn’t even a stone, I was a pebble, and the purpose of my life is nothing but being thrown in the pond.
She was in the loo for quite a while. I began to feel worried so I stood outside the door and listen. My ears pressed on the door, yet I could not hear any voices. I knocked and asked if she was okay. I waited but no reply came. Then I heard the sound of water running, which gave me some relief. The door unlocked, and she slowly walked out. There was no sign of tears on her face anymore. I watched her as she walked toward me, and the sight almost brought me to my knees. She looked lovely as ever. Her hair cascaded over her shoulders and her eyes sparkled. However, I sensed something was wrong; it was a kind of feeling when you walk into a dark room. You do not know what is wrong, but your senses are alerted. Her eyes did not have that hopeful glee in them. She sat beside me and said everything would be all right. I wanted to believe those words, but somehow my heart did not. She hugged me again, and it felt something has just slipped away. It was like two lifeless bodies touching each other. I grabbed her tightly, just to feel that feeling of closeness again, but it was lost. She went to the bedroom and sprawled across the bed; I went over her side, covered her with a quilt and kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes, but I knew she was not sleeping.

The doorbell rang. I quickly dimmed the lights and lit up the candles. Hopping and skipping, I quickly reached the door and opened it. Upon entering, I surprised her with my little gesture. ‘You should not have done this Arush,’ she said with a saddened look on his face. My confused expression showed my bewilderment to her reaction. Well my excitement died a little, yet I decided to solider on. We sat on the floor, where I had placed small cushions. I handed her a plate of pasta as she looked at me with expressionless face. ‘Listen’, she said as she sat the plate down. ‘I need to tell you something.’ I rested my plate and asked her what happened, dreading an answer that I would not be able to bare. I wished everything just go back to normal, and I do not have to decide.

TO BE CONTINUED. . .

I just want to wish everyone of my readers a very joyous and prosperous 2014. The comments and praise by all of you is the best feeling a writer can get. I hope I do my best and keep entertaining all of you in the future. 

Regards 

Arjuun Sahay