|What to Expect, after a Breakup|
Stages of Break-Up
I saw it coming. I warned him again and again, yet he made those same mistakes
And now she is gone. The door closed, and she walked away. He is still standing on the other side of the door, wondering, if she will return. But I know she won’t.
Come on Arjuun keep it together. You could do this, stay with me, Arjuun . . .
He falls to the floor. He curls up his knees and gets into a fetal position. I know he wants to cry. The pain is too much. He just closes his eyes, and thinks about her.
Wake up Arjuun. Are you ready?
Step 1. (Thinking back and getting out of bed)
Arjuun: I don’t feel like getting up.
You don’t have to, you can lie here all day.
He stayed in the bed all day, thought about her all night too. Listened to old voice messages, just to hear her voice. It made him miss her even more. He remembered the fun time he had with her.
He kept looking at his phone and wished she would send him a message. Did she feel the way he did right now? Then he broke down and called her.
Arjuun: She is different, her voice is different.
He regrets calling her.
What was so different about her?
Arjuun: She used to be excited when I called her. Now, her voice seems . . . Indifferent, like she feels pity on me.
So why did you call her?
Arjuun: Because I miss her so much.
What do you miss about her?
Arjuun: Everything. The way she felt, soft, when I hugged her. She came right up to my chest and I would kiss her forehead. The way she ate her vegetables, barely touching them with roti. How she needed me to guide her for small things. Most of all, she could always make me smile. Even when I had a bad day. She would somehow make me feel happy. I just miss everything about her.
It is understandable, this is how it is supposed to feel.
It is okay to miss her. It is okay not to shave your beard or look great. Whom are you trying to impress with your looks anyway?
Just walk out of the house, look around, and take the first step.
And he did. He drove around the city. It made him miss her more. He has been to every place with her.
Arjuun: I see her everywhere.
Its okay, you want to avoid all the places where you went with her. What do you want to do now?
Arjuun: I just want to lie in my bed and turn off all the lights.
Step 2: (The new Routine)
Do you want to get out of bed today?
Good. Your friends want to take you out. It would be nice to hang around with them.
He did go out. His friends even tried to help him by saying:
“You could do much better man.”
“She wasn’t right for you.”
Arjuun: I don’t want to listen to all this. It doesn’t help. I just want her back in my life. I want back the time we were happy!
Maybe you just miss the thought of her. The old routine, the comfort. Maybe you just miss the familiarity.
Arjuun: No, I just miss her at this point.
Step 3: (Letting Go)
How are you doing today?
Arjuun: A little better.
Maybe you want to look a little human now?
He stands in front of a mirror. Playing with his hair. He still resists shaving his beard. At least, he took a shower, and washed his oily hair.
He called up his old friends to hang out and even talked about his heartbreak. This time with a clear head.
But nothing pushed him to pursue the cute girl smiling at him in the park. .
Arjuun: It is because I still miss her.
You will for a while.
However, you don’t feel the urge to contact her now.
Deleting her number was a good step. You are slowly erasing the urge to check up on her, and find out what she is doing.
Arjuun: This step sucks. How long will I be here?
As long as you have to be.
Step 4: (Rebuilding)
So he woke up early. Went for a walk, not shaving his beard yet.
It is good that he wants to go out willingly. It’s a day by day process. Soon these days will become a month. Slowly, he will settle into this new routine.
He will socialize, even talk to the cute girls in the park who smile at him.
Arjuun: I am a bit rusty. The girl in the park did not work out.
No problem, the good thing is that you are enjoying the new version of yourself. You are trying new things. You are seeing life without her. Rebuilding yourself, your life without her.
Step 5 (Setbacks)
Cleaning his study, he saw the books she lent him. He stared at the book for a long time, bringing back all the old memories.
Come on Arjuun we made so much progress.
Arjuun: She gave me this book, when she was going away. She wanted me to remember her whenever I read it. It was all so special. I thought she was the one.
Yes it did feel special.
Arjuun: And it will always be.
There are setbacks in the attempt to move on. That gift, that message, that false hope. Accidentally seeing her, or just seeing her with someone else. That is the worst. These things may push him back a few steps. But, if he is strong, he will finally make it out.
Step 6 (The NEW YOU)
Arjuun: The sun shines brighter, I have more energy. I am more focused on my work.
When I am alone I can focus solely on myself. Improve. Be better. It is not even about finding someone new right now. At this point in my life, I am trying to love myself. I have to be the reason for my own happiness, and not find in someone else.
He still hasn’t shaved his beard. At least he is happy.